Top Ten Ways to Tell
if You're a Gold Bug

Dateline: 10/05/98

10. You have a personalized license plate that reads "GOLD" or "GOLDBUG".
9. Your password for your debit card, your credit cards and, well just about anything else you need a password for, is "GOLD".
8. Next year you make the final payment on the twenty year second mortgage you took out on your house in 1979 to buy gold at $700 an ounce. (And you still own the gold!)
7. Although you're not a religious type, now that the market looks like it might be crashing and gold is starting to climb you think, "There is a God!"
6. Ruminating on this, you wonder if the word "God" is a corruption of the word "Gold".
5. Those silver coins you accumulated after reading Harry Browne's first book in 1970 are still lying there buried in your sock drawer!
4. You are relatively cavity free, but if they ever start using gold fillings again, you vow to eat sweets like nobody's business.
3. Your secret desire is to be a rock star, not because you like to sing, but because you want a gold record.
2. Favorite actress: Goldie Hawn. Favorite politician: Barry Goldwater. Hmm, you think...what if Goldie had married Barry...Goldie Goldwater! Sweet!
1. When you saw the scene in the movie Goldfinger where the girl was killed by being painted with gold paint, you thought enviously, "Man, what a way to go!"

Before all you gold bugs send me poisoned pen letters, let me confess, as a lapsed gold bug, that at least two of the above apply to me! (Thank God I didn't own a house in 1979!)


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